[00:00.28] Chapter 34.
[00:03.78] Plans for India.
[00:06.99] Hannah and I worked with happy energy cleaning and refurnishing More House, to make everything ready for Diana and Mary's homecoming at Christmas.
[00:16.86] Syngen objected that I was wasting my talents, and should do something more worthy than cleaning a house and making mince pies.
[00:23.78] But I enjoyed it so much.
[00:28.30] I had never had a home of my own before.
[00:33.84] Diana, Mary and I spent Christmas in chattering, careless happiness, which must have irritated Syngen, who could never be happy unless he was doing something useful.
[00:46.22] He was to leave England soon for his missionary work.
[00:52.92] Miss Oliver, tired of waiting for him, was to marry somebody else.
[01:00.21] Syngen threw his energies into learning Hindustani, which he said he would need when he began work in India.
[01:09.20] I started to learn it too.
[01:12.87] I had been studying German, but Syngen asked me to learn Hindustani instead, to help him with his studies.
[01:21.64] I did not object to this arrangement, but neither did I enjoy it.
[01:27.69] There was never any laughter with him or any freedom.
[01:33.83] All this time, I had not forgotten Mr. Rochester.
[01:38.85] I had tried and tried to contact him, but no news came.
[01:45.83] I wrote to Mrs. Fairfax, but there was no reply.
[01:51.65] After two months a letter arrived for me, but it was only a business letter from Mr. Briggs.
[01:59.73] And I was so heartbroken with disappointment that I broke down in tears.
[02:06.92] I was still crying when Syngen asked me to read some Hindustani with him, and I could not hide my distress.
[02:17.29] He did not seem surprised.
[02:21.88] He asked no questions and made no attempt to comfort me.
[02:28.20] He sat calmly back and waited for me to stop.
[02:33.81] Then he suggested that we should take a walk across the Moors.
[02:39.63] He always took it for granted that I would do as he wished.
[02:45.75] I go to India shortly, he said as we walked.
[02:51.60] And you, Jane, have been chosen by God to come with me and work beside me.
[02:59.63] You are intelligent and hard-working, but not beautiful.
[03:05.62] A woman made for work and not for love.
[03:09.83] You are meant to be a missionary's wife.
[03:18.19] I don't know anything about being a missionary, I said.
[03:23.65] I will help you.
[03:26.05] God will help you.
[03:29.45] You will be very useful to me.
[03:35.87] He talked and talked, trying to convince me that I must marry him and go to India.
[03:43.26] And he worked so hard that I almost believed he was right.
[03:48.85] I had to forget Edward Rochester.
[03:53.32] I may as well forget him in India.
[03:59.52] But I could not marry Syngen.
[04:03.77] I still loved Mr. Rochester, and Syngen did not love me.
[04:10.19] He only wanted a helper.
[04:15.93] I will go, I said at last.
[04:19.63] I will work beside you, but I will not marry you.
[04:26.61] No, Jane, we must go as man and wife, he said.
[04:32.13] No other relationship would be right.
[04:37.66] We don't love each other, I pointed out, knowing that he wanted to rule and command me.
[04:45.49] I could not marry on the basis of friendship alone.
[04:52.75] It is exactly what I want, he said.
[04:57.26] We would learn to love each other well enough after our marriage.
[05:03.07] I scorn your idea of love, I said.
[05:07.90] It is unreal and shabby, and I scorn you, Syngen, for suggesting it.
[05:17.62] Then you defy the will of God, he said.
[05:23.80] And we walked home side by side in icy silence.
[05:30.30] He remained cold and distant all evening.